Come on! These unwearable, platform bedazzled "Gladiator" ankle-breakers are bordering on circus stilts. If I thought that the air up there was rarefied or filled with less pollen, I could understand the reason for these perilous pumps. But it is entertaining to watch these pain ridden victims go to great lengths NOT to fall over as they walk, or hobble, down main street.
I do understand the attraction; added height, longer looking legs and shapelier calves. To the gals 5'2 and below, it makes the most sense. But is it really worth the risk to “fall head over heels down a flight of stairs, or backwards while looking over your shoulder?
This look used to be exclusive to Drag Queens and Dominatrix’s loitering the streets of the NYC Meat Packing District. Now, the 2010 version of Jan and Cindy Brady are sporting them to the "Red Lobster" to eat cheese bread! Another problem is that taller girls like them too, which means the short man has no chance with this fashion trend. This footwear keeps them stuck with the "Napoleonic Complex" towering over the top of their heads until earth shoes become the rage again (good luck guys... I will bet money that's not gonna happen). And, we all know the “Birkenstock Curse” requires women to have a certain percentage of body hair, mostly underarm, forearm and above the lip.
Is this a fashion crime punishable by solitary confinement, or six months in "Pink Crocs?" How about house arrest with an electric ankle monitor attached to a pair of "Cobbie Cuddler's?" I just feel bad that women torture themselves unnecessarily without major benefits (unless they’re cheating with a celebrity). Is having crazy shoes that can cause permanent arch and leg problems all for the sake of following what's EN VOGUE or, even worse, to follow the advice of award show fashion critics who use up precious air time discussing whether Jessica Biel or Penelope Cruz has a better handle on this seasons' ruffle trend? By the way, who's going to their movies anyway? Oh, I know…all the girls in high heel Gladiators!
Maybe I'm just jealous. Maybe I wish men could add “a few inches" as easy as putting on a pair of shoes. Men have their share of fashion faux pas too. Hey, they made fun of Stallone the minute it got out that he had a lousy pair of lifts in his shoes. And excluding the male German tourist with a camera, men realized quickly that socks and sandals were a big “no no.” And Velcro Teva's did nothing but inspire gross overuse of the word "dude"...Excellent! It seems that for both sexes putting your best foot forward today seems easier said than done.
So ladies? I guess it's the F-bomb to Dr. Scholl and hello to to hammertoes, arthritis, chronic knee pain, sprained ankles and chronic back problems. FYI, they've linked high-heel wearing to osteoarthritis, a painful, degenerative joint disease. Ah...fashion… what a pal.
This too shall pass.
