And The Winner Isn't.....

As a child, I used to pray for deaths in the family so I could miss gym class and avoid the competition for the last to be chosen for the team. I have always hated this, starting as far back as the third grade. Being judged for all the wrong reasons especially by “those who can’t teach, teach gym!” That sense of failure and losing carried me thru until catholic prep school, where for some reason gym never was in my schedule. Oh God you DO exist!

I guess competition has always been a part of the human condition. There is always a winner or a loser in sports, spelling bee’s and gambling. But the “it’s not whether you win or lose” lesson was drummed into my head as a child that seems like ancient history. Now, Reality TV has brought winning to a heightened sense of desperation, one which, in my opinion, is going to make the viewers’ heads finally explode in living rooms around the world. It seems as if we are one season away from setting man-eating lions loose on a season finale of the real housewives to see who gets eaten first! I say start with Kelly, Jill and then Ramona.

If reality TV isn’t shoving hateful women who do everything for camera time and shock value, they force us to watch evil lesbian trainers scream until obese folks lose crazy amounts of weight in unhealthy time limits to fit into the last episode - where hungry ex-fatties miss the brass ring because the other guy lost one pound more. I’ve always thought that the losers probably go straight to “Hometown Buffet” for a 40,000 calorie dinner!

So what’s next, the “Medical reality show” where surgeons compete for the fastest transplant? Or maybe “Iron Surgeons America,” where the secret body part is- bursting appendixes! Trust me, I never thought I’d ever say that I miss “Little House on the Prairie!”

To add insult to injury, we now have to bear the reality that the winners, even losers, of these shows are now automatically labeled celebrities? HELP ME - Reality started as a cheap way to produce TV. Now, Kate’s “plus eight” all have agents, managers and publicists’.(I thought we were rid of her?) Ok, the biggest offender are the Kardashians—that’s a given. They say the fish stinks from the head first, sorry Kris Jenner. Then they become authorities on panels, new characters on soap operas, make records, or host a talk shows.

Actually, even Oprah has a new show about “THE NEXT TALK SHOW HOST.” (Please read that in the same manner that Oprah screams when introducing a guest). And she promised that OWN would be different.

At the end of the day, do we really need reality TV? I mean, isn’t Sarah Palin enough? The 2012 election is poised to be the most frightening reality show of all - coming soon to every channel on the dial. That election cast of characters is going to be as bad as the unnecessary movie versions of “Bewitched” or “The Beverly Hillbillies.”

What is all this “I win you lose,” “kill pussycat kill,” and hating the guy next to you going to evolve to?

Maybe it will start much earlier- with “Kindergarten Finger Paint Wars” or “Pre-school Gymboree Death Match.” How about an infant show sponsored by Huggies called “The Biggest Pooper?”

Sweet dreams Elizabeth Taylor…