Sure, I may have set myself up to be pushed into the pool to avoid taking my shirt off and parade the fact that I prefer a grilled cheese to a powerbar! As a child the word "husky" meant two things - our family dog named "kemosabe" or the mortifying category of pants I needed by the fifth grade, which made shopping for school clothes right up there with teeth pulling! And having a six pack meant I had two days until I ran out of diet soda!
But I've never been one for wishing I was born during the Victorian era. And yes, maybe I perk up a bit when conversations explore a Roman Orgy theme. Prudish I'm not, and this is certainly not about me complaining about my physical dilemmas. It's really about what gets people shopping during an economic crisis. Wow, even I'm impressed by this segue.
The first time as a child I ever heard "take it off, take it all off" was in a commercial where some Swedish-dish was shaving a undressed guy to stripper music. Who new that years later it would be the latest way to get people into a clothing store? The leader of today's nudie pack is "Abercrombie & Fitch" -- and not to sound like an old curmudgeon but, again, as a kid this store was a family favorite--where you bought wicker baskets filled with china & silverware for fancy picnics, snotty tweed blazers, and elite haberdashery. Nowadays, this store doesn't bother to open its doors without a flawlessly sculptured male model standing at the entrance half naked and touchable. They actually have a gorgeous gal photographer there to take your picture with Mr. Perfect creating havoc and causing a line to form around the block, either on New York's Fifth Avenue or through countless malls. And it's working brilliantly. Women, men, families with kids, and tourists with cameras are waiting in line before it opens and standing there for hours just to get in and see the sexy greeter. Sex has always worked as a sales approach.
For years, women had the corner on the skin market. But step aside, sisters, the boys are ten laps ahead of you. We now have nude male "anatomically correct" bronze sculptures roaming the sidewalks of Manhattan for all to touch and pose with. And who can forget "Marky Mark" giving "The Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman" a run for her money in his Calvin undies on a towering billboard in Times Square?
Has "Chippendales" come to the stores and malls of America? Soon you may need to carry dollar bills to stuff into their tighty whities just to buy a polo shirt and cargo pants. But doesn't having a naked-ish guy or girl standing at the entrance make more sense for Bally's or Gold's Gym? Shouldn't a clothing store show clothes? Apparently not.. And a mere block away in NYC stands a gigantic billboard a hundred feet long of a perfect California dude, topless, advertising the coming of the "Hollister Store.. Surprise, guess who owns it...Abecrombie!
So who's next to jump on the skin exposed ad campaigns? Is Colonel Sanders going to strip down to his "birthday suit" on the front of the "Bucket?" Maybe "Little Debbie" will appear with only chocolate Swiss Rolls covering her naughty parts? Or maybe the creepy big headed "Burger King" guy might have it "his way" and go bottomless...Yikes!
Hopefully, we must never see Joan Rivers naked, in any form, selling jewelry on QVC.
"Sing Out Louise!"
Congratulations Mr. K, very nice.
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